Leave your Eukalali and Tamborine at home

The Pope is going to visit the United Kingdom and security is going to be very tight.

The Catholic Church of England and Wales has published a guide for those attending events with the Pope during his visit to the UK next month.

There will be strict controls over what can and cannot be brought into the three large public gatherings in London, Glasgow and Birmingham.

Alcohol, barbecues, gazebos and musical instruments will all be banned as they "could pose a threat to others".

How are musical instruments a threat? Well I guess a argument could break out and a person hit someone with their saxophone.

Other banned items include bicycles, whistles, candles and animals.

The gathering won't be environment friendly either. A spokesman for the Birmingham archdiocese calls some of these measures draconian and I agree.