Saddam Hussein, Advice Columnist
Or so Danielle Crittenden at the Huffington Post parodies in a highly enjoyable column posted yesterday. First the dictator is depressed now he is giving advise on love and war to his captors. What's next, he'll write a musical comedy?
The link to the whole Huffington Post column is- http://www.huffingtonpost.com/theblog/archive/danielle-crittenden/ask-saddam_3028.html
The Huffington Post welcomes the debut column of its new advice columnist. Saddam will be delighted to answer readers’ questions on dating, relationships, personal hygiene, cooking and chemical warfare. Please forward questions to firstname.lastname@example.org.
I once triumphed over the Great Satan and ran a powerful international terrorist network. Now I am a weakened old man hiding in the mountains and living with goats. Worse, I have many rivals with better access to the media. What should I do?--Osama
Quit whining! I used to possess many palaces with gold faucets, and ruled unchallenged over a powerful country. Then for a spell I had to live in a hole in the ground. These are all tests of our faith and spirit. My suggestion to you: Crickets make a tasty snack when lightly toasted over an open flame. You can shake them in a shallow pan or roast them shish-kabob style with a stick. Add a sprinkling of ground sumac and enjoy!
I am currently in prison in the United States, and am pretty bummed out about it. I’m doing time for some so-called “prisoner abuse” at Abu Ghraib, although everyone agrees we were just a few guards having some fun. My problem now is that none of the other prisoners here want to include me in their games or eat their meals with me. I spend a lot of time alone in my cell, dreaming of the good old days. --Graner
I spend a lot of time alone in my cell, dreaming of the good old days too. But I’ve learned to keep myself busy, and that helps to pass the time before I am restored to power and the good times (and heads!) roll again. Laundering your underwear five to six times a day in your cell sink is not only good hygiene, it’s a diverting activity. Dish soap works effectively as a spot remover (even on those tough, “post-interrogation” stains!).